Captain Kirk meets Darth Vader

“Red Alert! Shields up, Mr. Chekov!” Captain Kirk ordered.

“Mr. Spock, what do your readings tell us about the alien craft?” he asked.

“Well captain. What appears to be a moon is not a moon at all. It is a space station. Heavily fortified, fully operational, and capable of destroying entire planets. Sensors show a nearby planet recently exploded. Fragments are radiating out from the point of origin.” Mr. Spock replied.

“We’re being hailed captain.” Lieutenant Uhura said.

“On screen.” he ordered.

[Main viewscreen activates and changes from a star field to the image of Darth Vader standing in a command center.]

“I’m Captain James T. Kirk commanding the USS Enterprise of the Federation of Planets. Who are you and what do you want?” Captain Kirk asked.

“You can call me Darth Vader. What is your purpose here? I sensed a disturbance in the Force when you arrived.” Darth Vader answered.

“We are on a peaceful mission of exploration.” Kirk answered.

“Peaceful? Your puny weapons are powered up, your shields are raised, and your weapons officer seems anxious to push the buttons on his console.” Vader stated.

[Vader raises his hand in a choking gesture and Chekov beings gagging, unable to breathe. Vader holds the gesture until Chekov falls over dead.]

“Fascinating.” says Mr. Spock.

“Where is the rebel base?” Vader asks.

“The what?” Kirk inquires.

“Do not be coy with me, Kirk. I have the princess. Where is the rebel base?” Vader continues.

“Princess? There’s a princess nearby? I like space princesses. Red, green, pink, purple, yellow, it doesn’t matter. Dr. McCoy can cure almost anything I might catch.” Kirk blurted.

“I sense you are a blithering idiot driven by your ego and overdeveloped libido, captain. You are of no use to me and your puny ship is no match for the Empire.” Vader responded.

“Empire? Whatever. Where’s this princess?” Kirk asked.

“Captain, I recommend we retreat. We are no match for his space station or telekinetic powers.” Mr. Spock stated.

“Very well. Mr. Sulu, plot us a course away from here. Mr. Scott, we’ll need full power from the engines to reach maximum warp.” Kirk commanded.

“Aye, captain.” Mr. Sulu answered.

“Now! Mr. Sulu, engage maximum warp!” Kirk ordered.

“We’re not moving, captain. We appear to be in a tractor beam.” Mr. Sulu answered.

“Scotty, I need more power.” Kirk urged.

“I’m giving it all she’s got, captain.” Mr. Scott said.

“Captain, another ship just appeared on sensors. Configuration unknown.” Mr. Spock stated.

“Captain, the tractor beam has switched from us to the other ship.” Mr. Sulu said. “We’re freed.”

“Get us out of here!” Kirk bellowed.

“Aye, captain.” Mr. Sulu answered.

“Uhura, hail the other ship.” Kirk commanded.

“Both are on screen now, captain.” Uhura responded.

[Main viewscreen shows Darth Vader and the cockpit of the Millennium Falcon side by side.]

“This is Captain James T. Kirk of the starship Enterprise of the United Federation of Planets. We’re on a peaceful mission of exploration. Who are you and what are your intentions?” Kirk asked.

“Will you shut up?” Han Solo barked. “We’re trying to sneak in. Chewie, cut the comms. The rest of you, time to get into my smuggling holds.”

[Transmission ends]


Write a post in which the protagonists of two different books or movies meet for the first time. How do they react to each other? Do they get along?

8 thoughts on “Captain Kirk meets Darth Vader

  1. Lol, priceless, all that’s missing is the doctor accidentally passing by, “sir… that debre there appears to be an old earth relic form of communication… how is it out here intacted?” But love both star wars and star trek, just awesome!

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