Friendless is the Best Way to Go

“YOU! OFF my planet!” Tim shouted at him.

The visitor from another world stooped a little and shuffled off to his ship in sadness. He had come to offer humanity such advancements. Medicines, vaccines, inventions, and absolutely amazing technology the people of Earth had never seen. All his people wanted in return were the delicious bite sized peanut butter candies with a sweet crunchy shell.

Tim refused to negotiate. The disagreement started from a simple misunderstanding about toilet water that grew into a flooded bathroom and a stinky mess. He was done. Whatever fantastical technology was promised could not be worth cleaning up after the visitor passed through each room. The visitor touched everything it could reach. It knocked over decorative items, broke porcelain vases, and smudged glass surfaces.

Tim’s stubborn ways had cost him a lot of friends over the years. He didn’t care. They were all nuisances in one way or another. Always wanting a drink of water, light snacks, meals, or hours of his precious time. In return, they offered inane chatter, empty laughter, and frequently put the toilet seat down if it didn’t flush. If only they could learn to properly jiggle the handle life could have been so much better.

Instead, here he was being the gatekeeper for all humanity as yet another space-based visiting race failed to grasp his cultural nuances. Sending them packing was his only logical choice.

“And tell your other deep space friends that if they want to visit here they need to learn how to flush and wash their hands!” Tim shouted after him.


Do you have a good friend or close relative with whom you disagree on a major issue (political, personal, cultural)? What’s the issue, and how do you make the relationship work?

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